Kat doodles about life:
I was hoping to write only about relevant stuff on this blog, avoid my actual personal problems, names or soapy moments. However I will do the opposite today and I am sorry if I offend anyone with my emotional diarrhea. Because it is relevant to this challenge I am working on. Last night, the relationship I was in for pretty much nearly a year, has definitely come to an end. We were together for nine months and two months ago it came to end. Since then we have been both going through moments of sadness to moments of joy we are no longer together and can move on, meeting up and arguing, spending really nice days and evenings together, getting merry and promising each other new hopes. However last night when having another conversation about us giving a second chance to this relationship, he suddenly refused to do so. Hang on I am thinking, isn’t a relationship about giving each other support, working on it, doing compromises, improving for yourself and the other person?! Surely if you plan to be with someone for the rest of your life, you need to be prepared to solve few problems on the way to find compromise. Apparently not everyone shares the same view.
I realized that really- I am a goer. For me quitting is not an option unless I feel I have done my personal best, it appears I do not have relevant skills, or I should think about changing a direction. If I had quit, I would never come so far where I am now and experience so many amazing moments. I have run away from the au pair family. I have been walking around streets looking for a job in freezing temperatures. I cycled miles in darkest nights to wash dishes. I shed sweat and tears during my theatre design degree. I went through hell went my father had cancer and then died. I can think of so many more pretty dark moments in my life and could have gone: “You know what I do not care anymore, I quit, I am going home to that sweet little pink protective bubble”, but I did not and I do not think I ever can. And that is the same thing, when you look for a job or want to really achieve something. A bit like X Factor, some people just want it lot more than others. It doesn’t matter how long it takes to get to it, you know it will happen eventually.
So you know what, I am moving on. In a relationship or in a job, you cannot force your partner to be with you or boss to keep you, but you can learn from it and find someone else, who does. You will push each other further and make it work. I guess I just have to find another goer so we can share our dreams together and make them happen.
With love Kat xx